It Takes Kissing a Lot of Frogs to Find a Prince, and I Believe This is True When it Comes to Online Dating.
You’re not alone if internet dating feels like an unsolvable problem in your search for “the one” (or whatever you’re looking for).
According to Pew Research Center data, despite the fact that the number of people using online dating services is increasing and the percentage of people who think it’s a good way to meet people is increasing, more than a third of those who say they’ve gone out with someone they met online haven’t actually gone out with them.
According to Harry Reis, PhD, Professor of Psychology and Dean’s Professor in Arts, Sciences, and Engineering at the University of Rochester, online dating isn’t for the faint of heart or those easily discouraged. “There’s an ancient adage that it takes kissing a lot of frogs to find a prince, and I believe that applies to online dating as well.”
Reis researches social connections and the elements that determine the number and closeness of our bonds. He coauthored a review study in 2012 that looked at how psychology helps explain some of the dynamics of online dating.
Meeting someone online is fundamentally different than meeting someone in real life
In some ways, internet dating differs from meeting someone in person — and in other ways, it doesn’t. (As Reis points out, the term “online dating” is a bit of a misnomer.) Whether it’s through a dating website or a dating app, we refer to it as “online meeting.”)
When it comes to people you meet online, Reis says, “you often know information about them before you ever meet.” You may have read a brief profile or communicated with someone over text or email for quite some time.
Similarly, when you meet someone offline, you may know a lot about them beforehand (for example, if you’re set up by a friend) or you may know very little (for example, if you go out with someone you met briefly at a bar).
“The premise behind online dating is not a fresh idea,” explains Lara Hallam, a PhD candidate in relationship studies at the University of Antwerp’s Department of Communication Studies. (Her current research focuses on online dating, with one study finding that age was the sole reliable predictor of what made online daters more likely to meet up.)
When it comes to relationships, some things do need to be done the old-fashioned way
And there are some things you can’t learn about a person or a possible relationship from a profile or online conversation. Reis continues: Are you a good communicator? Do you have a habit of making each other laugh? Do you find it enjoyable to be in each other’s company? When you’re with the other person, do you feel like you’re a better person?
“Those things that truly matter in making a relationship succeed are simply not present in a profile,” adds Reis. (He points out that study after study has shown that these principles are vital in relationships and are predictors of relationship success.)
Online dating is a great method to meet new people.
Setting up a dating profile in a specific style does not guarantee that you will meet the love of your life. However, Chaudhry’s findings provide some guidance on how to reveal personal information and pick who to take a chance on. “There are a few little nuances that can help,” he explains.
1. Pick your apps wisely
Online dating isn’t one of those games where you can look at all of your alternatives before making a choice. Some applications have a reputation for being hookup apps, while others are made to connect people who share a common religion, activity, or characteristic. Hallam advises, “Use apps according to your partner quests.”
2. Be honest
When it comes to factors like relationship history, desire for children, pet preferences, and religion, research suggests that people gravitate toward people who are similar to them. It’s more probable that the people you wind yourself chatting to and meeting are people with whom things will work out if you’re honest about what you want and who you are, according to Hallam.
“This is an opportunity to be explicit about who you are and who you want to meet,” says Keely Kolmes, PsyD, a psychologist in San Francisco and Oakland, and expressing a “deal breaker” issue up front can save a lot of time and effort.
3. Choose a photo that puts your best foot forward
According to Hallam, images should accurately portray your physical appearance while also being photos that you enjoy.
Photos can have a tremendous impact on likeability and someone’s initial attitude toward you, Chaudhry adds, especially if you’ve never met this person before. According to his research, a genuine smile (one that causes your eyes to crinkle up) and a small head tilt are two specific qualities that boost beauty and likeability.
1. Pick your apps wisely
Online dating isn’t one of those see-all-of-your-options-and-then-make-a-decision games. Be selective. Some apps have a reputation for being hookup apps; others are designed to connect users of the same religion or some other shared hobby or attribute. “Use apps according to your partner preferences,” Hallam says.
2. Be honest
Research shows that people tend to fall for people similar to themselves when it comes to things like relationship history, desire for children, pet preferences, and religion. Being honest about what you want and who you are makes it more likely that the people you end up talking to and meeting are people things might work out with, Hallam says.
“This is an opportunity to be clear about who you are and who you want to meet,” adds Keely Kolmes, PsyD, a San Francisco- and Oakland-based psychologist — and if you have a “deal breaker” issue, mentioning it upfront can safe a lot of time and effort.
3. Choose a photo that puts your best foot forward (or at least the one you want to show off)
Photos should accurately depict your physical appearance — but they should be photos you generally like, Hallam says.
Having never met this person before, photos can have a big bearing on likeability and someone’s initial attitude toward you, Chaudhry says. Specific attributes that generally increase attractiveness and likeability, according to his research, were: a genuine smile (one that makes your eyes start to crinkle up) and a slight head tilt.
4. Get to the point in creating your profile
Reis claims that no one will read a six-paragraph essay. People are fast to skim over profiles. Declare what is most essential to you and leave it at that.
Don’t forget to mention what makes you unique. People who are interesting tend to pique people’s curiosity. And, according to Chaudhry’s research, add what you’re searching for in a possible match – the optimal proportion is 70 percent about you and 30 percent about the person you’re seeking for.
5. Never forget to have fun on your journey……