Let’s say you met someone online, started dating, and everything is going swimmingly. My heartiest congrats go out to you, but the actual question is: how long should you wait to erase your dating profile after meeting on a dating app? You know it’s on your mind, and you’re sure it’s crossed your new boo’s mind as well, but it hasn’t come up yet. So, what are your options?
I polled nine dating and relationship gurus to see what advice they would give in this situation. Interestingly, some had strict guidelines on how long you should wait, while others were more lenient, but almost everyone agreed that you should wait at least as long as it takes for mutual exclusivity to occur.
To put it another way, don’t rush home after a few excellent dates with someone and erase your Tinder or OkCupid profiles permanently, since you might regret not waiting a little longer. That said, you shouldn’t wait too long – if you and your partner are ready to start serious about your relationship, it won’t feel good if one (or both!) of you still maintains an online dating profile, even if it’s not being used. Continue reading to learn how long you should wait to deactivate your online dating profile after meeting a good candidate.
1. Wait For At Least Three Months
“Wait at least three months before deleting your dating profile,” says April Masini, a relationship specialist and author based in New York. “This figure is based on the assumption that you’re both in it for the long haul and desire a meaningful, long-term relationship.” After three months, you’ll be able to tell whether you actually want to get serious about someone or not.
“You need to date this person for three months before you can even decide if you want to keep dating them,” she adds. “If you both want to continue dating after three months, you should decide whether or not you want to be monogamous in the next three months.” Slow down. There’s no reason to go ahead, especially if you’re seriously interested in this person.
“If it seems like a long time, it’s because individuals who are serious about finding ‘the one’ take relationships seriously and don’t leap into something that starts fast and ends badly.” Here, slow and steady wins the race.
2. When You Both Have Had A Ritual
Tina B. Tessina, aka Dr. Romance, psychologist and author of How to Be Happy Partners: Working it Out Together, tells Bustle, “Make it a ceremony when you agree on a commitment.” “Sit down together and erase both your profiles at the same moment when you both decide to be exclusive with each other.” You’ll take the step jointly, and you’ll be certain that your spouse has removed their profile, and they’ll be aware of it as well. It will also feel more significant if you do it jointly.
3. Once You Two Have A Mutual Understanding About Exclusivity
Relationship coach and therapist Anita Chlipala tells Bustle, “Only after there’s been a dialogue about exclusivity.” “It still amazes me how many people deactivate their profiles because they don’t want to date anybody else, but their partner continues to date others since there hasn’t been a clear ‘define-the-relationship’ conversation.” So don’t just remove yours and assume your companion has as well.
“When it comes to being exclusive, people have their own timelines, and just because you’re ready to stop seeing others doesn’t mean the other person is.” Of course, they may be — and once you’ve committed to each other, feel free to bring up your (and their) online dating profiles and discuss them.
4. When You’re Not Seeing Anyone Else
Michele Paiva, a zen psychotherapist and neuromarketing strategist, tells Bustle, “When you decide to be committed, after a reasonable time where you are not seeing others, and it should be an individual decision, with no expectations.” “If you’re serious, you’ll trust them to delete when the time is perfect for them.” However, if you don’t want to wait for them to bring it up, you can do it yourself – just don’t rush or force it. Paiva explains, “A relationship built on natural evolution and separate decisions is always more sustainable.” Keep your cool.