Dilemma of a Widow

The notion of dating again after losing someone you care about can seem practically insurmountable. Some WAY members make the conscious decision to never date again, feeling that no one will ever be able to replace the spouse they’ve lost. Others in the WAY are keen to get on with their lives – and are open to the possibility of finding love and a new companion.

Everyone handles grief in their own special manner. Only you will know when or if you are ready to move forward. First, a word of warning. Dating after the death of a spouse can be risky, especially in the early months after the death, when emotions are still raw. Perhaps you haven’t been on a first date in a long time.  Even the tiniest emotional rejection might send you spiraling back into misery. You can also be troubled by thoughts of guilt and apprehension.

Guilt and apprehension can also be a source of anxiety. You also have to deal with the reactions of others, including your in-laws and, if you’re a parent, your own children. As a result, the best advise is to start with caution and ensure that you are fully prepared before diving in. You can always dip your toe back into the dating pool if something doesn’t feel right.

Other way members may be a terrific source of advice and a sounding board for those looking to re-enter the dating arena. There are discussion threads on new relationships on our Members’ Only website and on our limited Facebook page, with topics ranging from informing the in-laws about a new romance to when the right time is to take off your wedding band.

Take it slowly and carefully.

Many WAY members rekindle their romantic relationships, and some have even remarried. Finding a new spouse who understands and embraces what you’ve gone through, on the other hand, can be a long and drawn-out process. There will undoubtedly be some embarrassment, some practical hurdles, and some emotional highs and lows to conquer during the process.

One WAY member who recently remarried after nine years on her own reported that falling in love again made her miss her late husband even more: her life is “unquestionably happier, less lonely, richer, and more exciting,” she maintains. “However, it may be confusing, and the vortex of emotions can be overwhelming at times.”

If you feel you’re ready to start dating again, there are a variety of online dating sites to select from, some of which are tailored to single parents or widower people. Don’t give out personal information on these websites if you don’t know who you’re talking to. Some WAY members decide not to declare their widowed status right away for fear of appearing too weak. Others say potential dates run a mile when they reveal they’ve been widowed.

Follow these basic online dating rules:

• Always meet in a public place when meeting someone for the first time. Also, inform a friend where you’ll be going.
• Make them call you throughout the date if you need an excuse to leave early! What are the chances? You could even enjoy yourself.