What to do When Online Dating is not Working
Online dating is sometimes misrepresented as a more convenient way to date, but this isn’t always the case. The good news is that you’re not in a bar with a chance of meeting 20 women; there are millions of women online. You can look for and meet the girl you’ve been looking for in the bar, but you must first locate her online.
You must also be willing to wade through some nonsense. Sometimes it’s nonsense, like seeing “the moon” as the response to “What’s bigger, the sun or the moon?” too many times. It’s gloomy, psychological, “what is the point of this?” stuff at times.
Attraction is a natural and emotional experience. We have no influence over how others respond to us. But we can manage our ability to enjoy our lives and choose people we want to enjoy it with – and those are the people who do not think we are simply “ugly” or only “beautiful.” Attractiveness is a spectrum, and it tends toward the positive when we like who we are, work to improve the aspects of ourselves that we don’t like, and surround ourselves with people who value those traits.
Sure, online dating is all about the superficial, but it can also be a tool for finding more of the excellent people we want in our lives — people who want to be in our lives. It might be a pleasurable way to pass the time.
Find Other Means to Make Yourself Happy
1) Don’t let online dating be the end-all-be-all in our love lives,
2) Work on being self-confident, self-aware people who like ourselves and don’t need others to validate us, and
3) Live our lives in the real world, where we can choose to spend our time and energy with people who lift us up, doing work and enjoying hobbies that build our confidence and increase the joy in our lives, while being open to meeting the right person for us.
Take a break if you’re frustrated that you’re wasting time on something that isn’t “paying off.” When you put your time and energy back into the areas of your life that make you happy, you’ll feel better! If it feels like you’re pounding your head against a brick wall, don’t spend time online.
Sometimes the wisest course of action is to take a step back.
Other options for meeting women exist. Inform your friends and family that you want to get started (according to a few key guidelines, established by you). Happy hours, mixers, bars, and meet-ups are all good places to go. In the grocery store checkout line, practice conversing with strangers. Smile at a lovely girl at a meeting. When you don’t put all your eggs in one basket, you’ll be less irritated with Match and Tinder.
Take a look at this if you experience anxiety or excessive discomfort in social situations. You can learn to manage with and improve your social interactions. Find someone you can confide in to talk to about this — a mentor, your pastor, a therapist, a friend – anyone who will be supportive and help you look at ways to practice, grow, and overcome these obstacles.
The effort you do now to feel good about yourself and establish a life you enjoy is what positions you to form great, long-lasting connections with the appropriate people.
Patience is difficult, and hard work is challenging – but I believe it is the prescription.