We Asked 20 Women: What’s your idea of the perfect first message on a dating app?

We asked actual girls what they’d like to see on Tinder, Bumble, and other dating apps where your first sentence with a potential match pretty much seals your fate.

The first step is to download a dating app. It’s not easy to choose the photos that best represent you (or the ones you want to present to hundreds of single women). It’s also difficult to methodically build a bio that’s both educational and amusing.

But the most difficult of all? Coming up with that first wonderfully clever message as soon as you’ve found someone decent to date. Making a memorable first impression seems nearly impossible these days, now that women have seen and heard it all on dating apps.

So we enlisted the help of 20 genuine women to provide the perfect one-liners, queries, and messages they wish guys would send on dating apps or websites. Oh, and ‘Hey, what’s up?’ isn’t going to cut it. However, cheese references are possible. (We don’t understand either.)

I appreciate it when a guy wants to get off the app as soon as possible and says something like, ‘Hey, I’d like to get to know you.’ ‘Send me a text (insert number) if you’re down.’ Cara J.

“Use something I have on my profile as a starting point. Personally, I’m a cheese aficionado. ‘Saw you’re a cheesehead,’ for example, would be an excellent first message. I’ve been wanting to try this Italian restaurant that serves four-cheese gnocchi and combines wine with a half-dozen local cheeses. Interested?’ Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes Because A) who wouldn’t want to be a part of that? And B) you made an effort to stand out. Even if we start talking and I discover out you’re a jerk and cancel the date, you’ve vastly improved your chances over the guy who texted “Hey.” Victoria G. says:

“Something relatable that has something to do with my profile or photo. Because of a snapshot I had, a person said to me, “I’ve gone skydiving before, but how fantastic was jumping in New Zealand?” I believe that sharing common interests is the simplest way to connect with someone.” Rae P. is a writer who lives in the United States.

Ready, set, go—the top three things you can’t live without.’ Disarm me, make me uncomfortable (without being scary), and be unique. I’ll be much more willing to join in. And this demonstrates that you do, in fact, have a personality…at least a semblance of one.” Anne S. –

“I genuinely don’t mind if people say, ‘Hey!’ ‘How are things going?’ It’s more confident and mature than ‘What’s up?’” Sasha B. is a writer who lives in New York City.

“Bring up something from my bio or one of my photos that you find interesting. ‘Hey, what kind of race were you in?’ is a perfect example. I, too, am a fitness fanatic.’ It demonstrates that you are interested in learning more about me (rare among dudes). Keep in mind that the conversation should not be one-sided. We also get to avoid the small talk and jump right into the discussion.” Marie L. –

“As a first message, I’ve actually obtained humorous memes. The one that got me laugh the hardest was a cartoon with pounding heart eyes, implying that he felt I was attractive but not in a creepy way. It’s just a more effective icebreaker than ‘Hey.'” Samantha M. –

“Begin with something like, ‘I’m completely engrossed in your profile and hobbies.’ What were your plans for your trip?’ … alternatively, ‘Have you lived in San Francisco for a long time?’ Bits and portions of my profile should be targeted. I chose to draw attention to them for a reason!” Caitlin D., Caitlin D., Caitlin D., Cait

“A simple ‘Hey, how’s your day going?’ is one of my favorites. Ultimatums like ‘Coffee or sleep?’ or ‘You’re stunning.’ irritate and frighten me.’ Amy S. –

“Ask a question that has something to do with my profile. It demonstrates that you spent time crafting a response rather than sending a generic “Hey, what’s up?” to every girl on the app. Make a connection to a concert you recently attended if one of my images is of me at a performance.” Caroline T. says:

“I believe a direct first communication is the best. ‘Hey, you seem like a really intriguing person.’ I’d like to meet up with you sometime.’ Avoid using cheesy pickup lines.” Rachel D. –

“Make fun of yourself without being too self-deprecating or blindingly uncomfortable by pointing out how weird dating apps are. ‘Trying to come up with a good one-liner to hit you with gave me more worry than the SATs,’ say something like that. So I’m just going to go out on a limb and say that I’d love to get to know you outside of this app.’ You appear sincere, and I’m far more likely to want to learn more about you.” Brielle A. is a writer who lives in the United States.

“There’s always something humorous or food-related. Start by asking a question about my photos or bio. Because my nephew is so important to me, I spend a lot of time with him.” Laura W. says:

“Something sarcastic about the app and the scenario. Pretend to be a character from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia and introduce yourself by saying, “Hey, my name is Charlie.” I enjoy cheese and share my home with Frank.’ That is something I would respect. But if I didn’t have the reference, this would be a complete disaster.” Amanda H. says:

“I appreciate it when a guy is interested in me. “Asking for two truths and a lie may be a touch overdone, but it’s still a terrific conversation starter for me.” Laura Q. –

“Through my profile, I was able to find something unique and also relevant to my life. “Hey, what type of nurse are you?” you might inquire. It demonstrates that you’re interested in learning more about me as a person, not just my appearance. Anything is preferable to “Hey, nice lookin’.” Vanessa P. –